A new perspective

I have set a few challenges for myself this year.  One of them was to develop a closer relationship with God.  In the past I have prayed, read the Bible, went to church, and joined Bible studies.  To some that would appear that I have a close relationship with him.  Then why is it that I can't fully trust Him to be faithful?  For a long time I was puzzled by this question.  I'm doing things that other Christians do.  What am I missing?  It wasn't until I sat myself down and dug deep, asking myself what was I lacking.  I called out to God and asked Him what it was that He wanted from me.  I sat and waited, no answer.  I thought OK, patience.  I can do patience.  That wasn't the whole answer.

I'm not sure where I saw that Proverbs31 was doing the Made To Crave study, but I knew I was meant to see it.  I have attempted to do the study on my own in the past, but I didn't get very far with it.  So I signed up.  I felt God tugging at my heart when I discovered the optional blog portion of the study.  I know He wanted me to step out of my comfort zone and participate, not just by commenting, but blogging.  

When I typed out my first blog I realized that God was showing me what I was lacking and what He wanted from me.  He wanted ALL of me.  Not the "me" that the world sees, but the unfiltered, vulnerable me.  So as I typed I held nothing back.  I thought I would feel exposed.  I was surprised to feel free.  My chains were gone.  I began to see what it was I was lacking.  I did everything on the surface, but was afraid to dig deeper.  I was afraid of what I would find.  I had the illusion I was in control.  I needed to live the scriptures.  Have conversations with God, not just grocery list prayers.  I needed to expose myself and participate in my Bible studies.  In my women's study at church we are studying Gideon.  I am finding parallels between Made To Crave, Gideon and myself.

I was encouraged to personalize a piece of scripture.  I chose Isaiah 43:18-19.

Forget past attempts, they are nothing compared to what I am doing in you.  I am creating something new.  See, I have already begun.  I am making a path for you through the desert and I have made streams to quench your thirst.

 The scale my not say anything different.  That's OK.  I no longer depend on a number to define me.  I feel lighter than I have in years.  Isn't He amazing?

Faithfully His,              

Peg